Everybody Ain't Your Friend - Vannesia Darby Blog

We’re still on our Friendship Series, and I’m kicking it off with an old saying from my mama, “Everybody ain’t your friend.”

Everybody ain’t your friend.

Social media would have us believe that the quantity of followers and “friends” is the most important, but you and I both know it’s the quality that counts. Wherever you are in the process of finding your people, just know it’s a journey.

When I was in high school, my parents ripped me from sunny side California to the dusty corn fields of Illinois (yes, I’m being dramatic, but go with me). Do you know what was one of the hardest parts about that move? It was the realization that a handful of my friendships were centered around the convenience of seeing each other, and not all of those relationships would stand the distance.

Sometimes situations, proximity, or even trauma can bring people together, and when one of those dynamics changes, the friendship can get lost in the shuffle. Thanks to MySpace, (shoutout to Tom!) many of my friendships lasted, and those took a lot of effort.

Effort as a kid looks a lot different as an adult. Now we’re the ones responsible for families, careers, bills – you name it! We can do our very best to keep in contact with people and still outgrow certain relationships. It can be challenging and sometimes come up as a surprise. But, it’s completely normal (and if we are honest, sometimes it’s predictable…but those flags were ignored).

Only you can determine what you need in a friendship and what you are available to reciprocate. I’m not saying that you need to cut someone off the first time they do not measure up to your expectations. I’m simply sharing that if you’re holding on to a friendship you’ve outgrown, it might be time to reassign them from a crew member to a circle member (read about that here).

Have you experienced a friendship breakup?

It is important to not dwell on the loss of friendship, but allow a moment for self-reflection. Why did it not work out? What did you learn from this, and how can you apply that to other relationships?

Part of friendship is stewarding one another’s vulnerability and covering one another with love and prayer. As you maintain the old and welcome the new, continue to take the time to learn, listen, and pour into each other.