Find Your Best Fit: Mental Health for Mamas

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I want to honor the lives, presence, and memory of the mothers who have impacted us forever. Happy Mother’s Day.

Today, we have a heartfelt story from my freshman college roomie, Coley. She’s a dedicated blogger, Millennial wife, and mom of three. Coley’s story documents her journey through the daily juggle of work, family, and self-care. Her story underscores the importance of prioritizing mental health and advocating for your ever-changing needs.

Find your best fit by Coley

The Daily Juggle

You wake up knowing you have a full day of working from home filled with meetings you must prepare for. Then you realize you have to find something to preoccupy your very loud baby during your meetings so that she is not screaming in the background. You also have to try to make sure she has some routine (breakfast, morning activity, lunch, nap, afternoon snack, and playtime). Finally, once you finish the work day, you have to worry about what your family will eat, which means grocery shopping or buying dinner.

Once dinner is done, it’s bath time (and your little one only wants you) and bedtime. By the end of the evening, you want to show up for your partner and spend time with him, but by this time, you are physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. You go to sleep, only to wake up and do it all over again. This is how I spent most of 2020 due to the pandemic.

Don’t get it twisted. My husband is very supportive and would help out with as much as he could, but because he had to go to work and I worked from home, I was still doing double duty. Exhausted is an understatement. But let’s rewind a bit.

How It Started

To start, this will probably be one of my most vulnerable posts because I am sharing my mental health journey. More and more of us are starting to have conversations about mental health but for some of us, this conversation is still a taboo topic to discuss with others. I mean, it was hard for me to open up to my parents that I see a therapist. In the pit of my stomach I worried about being judged by them. As it turns out my parents are very supportive and they know that therapy is something we all can probably use.

For me, mental health has always been important but I did not start seeing a therapist on a regular basis until 2019. I was in my late 20s and pregnant with our first child. It was more of a proactive step at that time. I was worried I would develop postpartum depression, so I was trying to get ahead of it by establishing some care with a therapist early on. It was not until I started my sessions with my therapist at the time, that I realized I had a lot going on and just how stressed I actually was. She helped me work through a few things but in the end she was not the best fit for me. After I delivered my daughter and things were seemingly ok, I moved on. Life was fine again right?

My anxiety was at an all time high
Coley, Coley’s Table

Pandemic Pressures

Fast forward to June of 2020, the “early” stages of the pandemic. I was working from home full-time with our very active baby girl. It felt like I was working two full-time jobs with no end in sight. My husband, who works in the medical field, was also in the hospital/clinic and we worried about him contracting covid and bringing it home. Then racial tensions started with the murder of George Floyd. Oh and did I mention we were living in another state away from our family and most of our friends. My anxiety was at an all time high. I knew I needed some sort of help so I decided to put my Telehealth options to use and find a new therapist.

A Better Fit

My therapist was everything I needed and more. From the moment I met with her, I felt a sense of connection. She understands my concerns and asks me probing questions that make me take a step back and think (really think). I noticed that even with the words I used when I would explain different things to her, that she would pick up on underlying feelings I was having or the way I perceived things that I had not even noticed. She was the one who pointed out that I was burnt out. Being “burnt out” was something I knew about but I never considered that I was someone who actually was burnt out. I was increasingly irritable and irrational and I was honestly not in the best state of mind for my family or myself. Since then, I am in a much better place mentally. I make it a priority to see my therapist every 2-3 weeks because life happens.

I make it a priority to see my therapist every 2-3 weeks

Tips from Coley’s Table:

For those that are seeking therapy there are a few things to be aware of. For one, you need to be able to have a therapist you feel comfortable with and, for lack of a better word, “click” with. I could have went back to the therapist I had a few years ago but we did not “click”. She gave a little bit of advice but mainly listened. For some people, this is the type of therapist they would need. For me, on the other hand, this was not the therapy that I needed. I needed someone that could connect with me and pose questions that made me think a little deeper. I needed someone I could have more of an active conversation with and a therapist that was willing to provide me with resources and alternatives to medication. That is what I found in my current therapist. Which, brings me to my next point.

Think about what you may want to get out of your therapy sessions (things you are looking for, things that are deal breakers for you) and stick to it. It is easy to feel helpless or to try to force things to work with the first therapist you go see, but if you are not getting anything out of your therapy sessions, you are not doing anything for yourself.

Obviously I am no licensed professional but I do think that everyone’s mental health is important and should be a top priority, especially mamas. As a mama, you give and give and give. In order for us to truly show up for others the way we want to, we need to make sure our whole self is good to go. This includes our mental health. I have experienced “mom rage” and being “touched out” and I can honestly say that going to therapy has helped me 100%.

Summary:

Seek comfort and connection with your therapist.
Prioritize active engagement and tailored guidance.
Consider preferences and needs in therapist selection.
Define therapy goals and essential therapist qualities.
Advocate for yourself and seek alternatives if necessary.

You do not need to be in the middle of a crisis to seek help. If you have been thinking about seeing a therapist, give it a try. See where it takes you. If you find out therapy is not for you, try something else that is beneficial to your mental health (and in turn your overall health and being). Remember, you are not alone.

You got this Mama,

Keep Up with Coley:
Instagram: instagram.com/coleys.table
Blog: coleys-table.com